Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
