you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
