i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Randomize
