I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
