the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
