The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
