That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
