Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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