Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Found the puke drawer
My liver just had a heart attack.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
