mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
