I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
