I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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