I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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