I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
