lets start a swedish sibling band together
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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