you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
