you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
