Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
