oh god the rape fog is back!
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
