He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I think pants incapable of making pants work
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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