Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
The feeling are messing with the penis
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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