I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
The feeling are messing with the penis
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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