Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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