We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Success! We fucked roommates!
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
