he thought i was a dude.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
