he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
