I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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