I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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