I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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