she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
