i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
