you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
