I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
