When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
