Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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