Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
