in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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