I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
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