he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
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