i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
