So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
