You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
