Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
