If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
