I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
