my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
