he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
