Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
