That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
