I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
